Kansas City Council Says Landlords Forced to Accept Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime!


In a stunning display of sheer brilliance or incredible stupidity, with Mayor Q-Ball lending his support, the Kansas City Council has passed an ordinance that can only be described as the pinnacle of forward-thinking governance. In a groundbreaking 10-2 vote that has landlords donning their party hats and tenants sharpening their legal daggers, the Kansas City Council has passed a revolutionary ordinance that limits landlords' ability to screen potential tenants. Landlords are now required to accept anyone who walks through their rental property doors, regardless of whether they possess the funds to pay rent, a credit score that makes your grandma's Monopoly game look impressive, or a track record of evictions that could fill an epic novel. Anyone with a pulse, a pen, and a penchant for bouncing around from eviction to eviction is welcome to claim their own piece of the American dream—or at least their own piece of someone else's property.

Let's explore the dazzling pros of this groundbreaking ordinance:

  1. Equality for All: Forget about those pesky credit checks and financial histories; the new ordinance is all about leveling the playing field. Billionaires and broke college students alike can now enjoy the thrill of apartment hunting, knowing that their bank statements and credit scores hold equal weight.

  2. End of Discrimination: Discrimination is so last season! Landlords can no longer be accused of playing favorites or having personal preferences. Your eviction record is merely a testament to your rich tapestry of life experiences, and who wouldn't want a tenant with such a diverse background?

  3. Thriving Legal Industry: Lawyers are reportedly overjoyed by the prospect of a booming business as tenants gear up to sue landlords left and right. It's a win-win: tenants get their moment in the legal limelight, and attorneys can finally afford that vacation home in the Hamptons. Attorneys are popping champagne bottles as they anticipate the flood of lawsuits about to hit landlords like a tsunami. Eviction denials can now be treated as personal slights, and who wouldn't want to sue their way into a cozy abode?

  4. Home Sweet Home for the Nomads - Eviction history? No problem! Kansas City is now a haven for those with a transient lifestyle. Set up camp, stay a while, and when the eviction notice inevitably arrives, just move along to the next unsuspecting landlord.

Now, let's delve into the minor inconveniences – we hesitate to call them 'cons' – that housing providers might encounter:

  1. Exodus of Landlords - With the overwhelming generosity mandated by the new ordinance, landlords are reportedly packing their bags and fleeing the market faster than you can say "housing shortage." Who needs the hassle of financial stability when you can embark on the thrilling adventure of bankruptcy? Rumor has it that landlords are packing up faster than you can say "background check." With the prospect of being stuck with tenants who might mistake their security deposit for Monopoly money, many housing providers are fleeing the market faster than you can say "no, seriously, we need reliable tenants."

  2. Bureaucratic Bliss - Complaints and lawsuits are set to skyrocket as tenants eagerly embrace their newfound right to sue over rejection. Legal battles, a staple of any thriving society, will surely keep everyone on their toes.

  3. The Great Housing Shortage: As landlords exit stage left, the housing market is bracing itself for a shortage of epic proportions. With fewer available properties, the once-promising apartment hunt is now a scavenger hunt, and the prize is a roof over your head. But who needs a roof over their head when the city can be transformed into a sprawling campground for those who prefer living in the great outdoors?

  4. Good luck!

  5. DIY Property Management: With landlords throwing in the towel, tenants are left to their own devices. Suddenly, everyone is a handyman, a plumber, and an expert in pest control. Who knew that fixing a leaky faucet and battling a rodent infestation could become essential life skills?

  1. Kansas City Council's bold move to transform the rental market into a free-for-all carnival has its merits, but the exodus of landlords and the impending housing shortage may make you long for the good old days of background checks and security deposits. Brace yourself, Kansas City, for a tenant's paradise might just be a landlord's nightmare. So, there you have it, folks. Kansas City is pioneering a brave new world where housing is a right, not a privilege. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself sleeping under the stars – after all, isn't that what housing equality is all about?