Locals Shocked It Didn't Use DoorDash
Gladstone, MO — July 7, 2025
First it was coyotes on the cul-de-sac. Then bobcats crashing backyard BBQs. Now? A black bear, clearly craving city amenities, has joined the growing parade of Missouri wildlife giving suburbia a try. The bold bruin was spotted rummaging through a trash can near Happy Rock Park early Sunday morning — presumably searching for artisanal compost or the ever-elusive half-eaten Hot Pocket.
Officials say Missouri's black bear population is "growing," which is conservation-speak for "bears are now part of the neighborhood watch." According to the Missouri Department of Conservation, these bears aren't just wandering in — they're moving in. And who can blame them? With overflowing trash cans, no rent, and the occasional park-goer dropping snacks, it's practically bear heaven.
Locals were stunned, though not entirely surprised. "We used to worry about raccoons in the garbage. Now we’ve got Yogi," said one resident who asked to remain anonymous to avoid bear retaliation.
State officials are urging residents to take precautions: secure trash, avoid feeding wildlife, and — oh yes — try not to hit them with your car, which apparently happened to one bear in Howell County. RIP, city-curious bear.
In related news, the state has approved a black bear hunting season this fall for Missouri residents. Conservationists say it's a way to “manage the population,” while bears reportedly view it as the rudest possible welcome party.
So, if you see a bear near Kansas City, don’t panic — just remember, we’re their wilderness now.
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